Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Truth, Secrets, and The Fifth Chakra
The Fifth Chakra, or Throat Chakra, is the chakra responsible for expression, our right to speak and be heard. It is responsible for our creative expression, expression of our truth, our expression of who we truly are, at our very core.
Truth is not a difficult concept for me, I don't like to lie. Not that I haven't; when you're entrenched in addiction you are immersed in lies. Your whole life becomes a lie, a lie to yourself, a lie to the world. A betrayal of yourself to your very core. A hugely important part of recovery is truth. Examining the truth of who you've been, what you've done to yourself and others, is a necessary part of the healing process. Those lies affect your Throat Chakra, and as you examine and face the truth, you bring healing to that chakra as well.
Secrets are a part of addiction as well, at least they were for me. And as I'm sitting here writing this, I'm wondering where the line between secrets and lies is? While in active addiction I felt like I was living a double life, there was this whole other part of me I kept hidden from the world, I kept it secret. I had the part of my life in which I was an addict, scrambling to feed my addiction - immersed in darkness. Then I had the part of my life in which I had a good job, went to work every day, took care of my son, and wore whatever mask I could to hide myself from the world and everyone around me. And I suppose that's where the two worlds crossed over, the masks of addiction were what I wore to hide myself from the world, that way they wouldn't see that I was crazy, or that I felt like I didn't fit in. They wouldn't see that I didn't feel accepted. They wouldn't see the pain I carried because I hated who I thought I was. And when it all came to a head and the secret was out and I took my first step out of active addiction, I sighed in relief. I think I was tired of my secret life. Once the light hit the darkness of my secret, I could look at the truth and I could start to heal. And that's what I've been doing for 25 months, healing. And my Throat Chakra, among others, have healed from that as well.
The think about healing, as I've come to realize, is that there are layers; a lot of layers. I find that I heal the layer I have the tools and ability to heal. That sits, I transform, I progress along my healing journey, and then I'm introduced to a deeper layer. I've already shared that I'm in those deeper layers right now. Layers of issues I have dealt with already. But a deeper layer is ready to be healed. It amazes me how sometimes, things that come to appear obvious are missed that first time around. Sometimes they're touched on, but it just grazes the surface. It doesn't sink into my realization until it's ready to reveal itself and I have the capacity to look at the revelation.
So, what does this have to do with "Truth, Secrets, and The Fifth Chakra"? In my case, it has everything to do with it. You see, as a child, during the developmental formation of my Throat Chakra, I had a very deep dark secret. A secret that trampled my basic right to speak and be heard. It shattered the formation of that, as well as other, sacred energy centers in my body. It was about 10 years ago that I went to therapy to heal that abuse, to forgive it. And I did. Finally a giant weight had been lifted off of me. However, I missed a few things. First, I wasn't at all aware of the chakras, or their functions, at that point and time. Second, I totally missed the obvious point that abuse rips away your personal power (which is a Chakra Three issue that I'll explore in another post). Third, I didn't grasp the effects that having to keep such a secret would have on the way I lived my life and the choices I would make. At that time I was looking for peace, I wanted the images to stop invading my mind, I wanted the nightmares to go away. And therapy accomplished that. Well, as much as I could know peace anyway, at least until I stared to heal from addiction and the dis-ease of myself.
You see, keeping a secret racked in fear and shame sends the message, "It's not safe to speak my truth." Once that pattern is established and used as a belief system through life, it becomes deeply embedded in your energy system. When opportunities arose for me to speak the truth of who I was, that fear automatically kicked in and stifled my voice. It also distorted my inner truth, of I was. On top of that, when obedience and silence is the message received, it creates the belief that "I don't have a right to even be heard. What is safe?" So while the chakra of expression was forming, my messages were that it wasn't safe to speak my truth and that no one wants to hear it anyway, so I guess I'll just be quiet and safe. I put my "truth" stamp, as I call it, on those limiting beliefs and lived life that way. A very dysfunctional way I might add.
These realizations are expanding my awareness. I appreciate that I am ready to heal this. And that is the great news, as long as I choose to, I can heal it. And trust me, I choose to. So I've read about it, reflected on it, written in my journal about it, and created this page to voice it. After spending almost my entire life trying to be anyone other than me, I now wish to be only me. And I wish to put the truth of who I am and what I've learned out into the world. I choose to be grounded, balanced, and whole. I choose to use the experiences of my life and all the healing work I've done and wisdom I've gained to go forth and help others heal. I can only do that by healing the energy of my body, by thawing the frozen lock of illusion from my throat. So that is what I am doing.
The Divine guidance I receive never ceases to amaze me. I made a decision, not so long ago, to commit to this path of helping people heal and doing whatever it takes to get there. In doing that these issues have come up and I'm experiencing some of the deepest levels of healing that I've experienced so far on this journey. Because to help people heal, I have to heal myself. I'm being prepared for one of my purposes in life. And the more I learn and the more I heal within the depths of me, the more I can transform that into guiding people along their healing journeys. And that is what my soul longs to do. Help people heal and create art. And that's what I've done here. I've honored my truth, I've used my truth to put symbolic beauty on the page, and I've sent it out into the world in hopes that at least one person will be touched by it in some way. I know it's touched me.